How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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