you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
