You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
