Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
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