he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
