if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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