I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
