After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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