awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
