margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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