It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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