you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
