Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
