Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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