people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
