How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
