Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my phone needs a breathalizer
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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