We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
