I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
