textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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