You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i came on her dog
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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