Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
