fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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