I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
