youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
