He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
