Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
