I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize