Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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