I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
