i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
