im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
