but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
