my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
