I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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