Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
