her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
