I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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