got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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