Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
