he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
