Me too!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
