Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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