Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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