the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
