I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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