It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
