Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
