what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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