tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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