i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
