The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
