K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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