the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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